By Julie Thorpe-Lopez
Paradoxically, the pressure to be joyful during the holidays sometimes eviscerates the actual experience of joy. In addition to the regular stress of our jobs, family, and personal obligations, we are bombarded with pressures to celebrate, whether we actually celebrate a particular holiday or not. Adding to this already overflowing plate of stress is traveling or hosting guests, shopping, financial pressures, and spending time with extended family — with whom we may or may not positively connect. When things don’t go the way the holidays look in commercials or on social media (most of which is really unachievable unless your profession is “TV producer” or “social media influencer”), we feel a sense of failure. When our kids are going bananas without a regular school routine for three or four weeks, we feel like we are blowing it as parents. Plus, we’ve all endured a years-long pandemic and have been in fight-or-flight adrenaline overload for much longer than humans were made to endure. We still have tremendous political divisiveness permeating the media — another stressor that crops up with the extended family time we are expected to put in. It’s no surprise that joy and peace don’t always come easily during this time.
The good news is that there are some things we can do to make this time more manageable. First, let yourself feel whatever feelings you are having without judging yourself for having them. Sometimes just owning and then accepting the feeling can help it feel less overwhelming. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness or overwhelm, or trying to force the feelings of joy that others seem to feel, is a waste of your energy. It also devalues your experience as a human being who is juggling a lot during this time. Second, take care of yourself physically. Get enough sleep, and drink lots of water. Keep up your regular exercise routine, or just go for a walk. Third, don’t feel like you have to accept every party invitation or see every single member of your family just because it’s a particular day on the calendar. Your mental wellness is more important than whatever disappointment might come from others who are less than grace-giving during this time. If someone doesn’t support your choices, you can be the one to give grace. Giving others the benefit of the doubt can improve our own sense of peace, and can help us stay authentically connected with our positive support systems. Finally, accept that it is okay if you don’t feel cheerful right now. Know that if you have experienced loss, it’s okay to feel grief during the holidays. Know that it’s okay if the party, or the tree, or the dinner, or the New Year’s celebration doesn’t turn out the way you imagined. You are not the only one feeling less than overjoyed, and you are not the only one feeling overwhelmed. And acknowledging that truth might just help someone else feel a little bit less alone.
Julie Thorpe-Lopez is a partner at Tatro & Lopez, LLP, and specializes in Elder Abuse litigation. She is the Chair of the SDCBA’s Elder Law Section, and Chair of the SDCBA’s Wellness Subcommittee.