By Amy J. Lepine
Do you ever feel disconnected or wish you could relate to people on a deeper level? Tonglen could be the answer. This ancient Tibetan practice in compassion breaks down the barriers of separation and allows us to share more readily in both the sorrow and the joy of others around us. And you don’t have to sit on a cushion or light any incense to do it. In fact, it can be done “on the street.” Literally translated to mean taking and sending, this practice focuses on breathing in the pain and suffering of others and breathing out relief, healing whatever is needed in the moment.
Here’s how to do it: First, prepare yourself by centering your mind on anything that makes you feel expansive, or “Bodhicitta” as the lamas call it. It could be recalling a wide-open view of your favorite mountain top, or the deep Big Blue of the ocean. Then see the distress, whether it’s a person in an accident we pass or homeless people in destitute. Imagine what it’s like to be in their skin. Rather than pulling in and away from your feelings, breathe into them, allowing yourself to actually feel what the other person is experiencing. Hold that feeling for just a moment in the eternal expanse of your own awareness, let it dissipate and be replaced with healing, acceptance, and loving kindness. That’s it.
The beautiful thing about this compassion practice is that it also works to let in more joy, to combat feelings of jealousy, and to experience the positive feelings of others around us. So, the next time you encounter a situation where you want to help but don’t know how, practice like a Buddhist master and try Tonglen. Over time, it will change the way you experience the world.
Amy J. Lepine is a trial lawyer and litigator. She came to the legal field by way of advocacy for victims of domestic violence before starting her own firm in 2006. Amy focusses on oral contracts and select civil rights cases, and she also maintains a consistent family law practice. She leads meditation groups for the SBCBA Wellness Wednesday and the Dharma Bum Temple.