By Jim Eischen, Co-Chair, San Diego County Bar Association Wellness Committee
I recently surfed on longboards outside San Diego harbor with my youngest son and his good friend. We were having a wonderful time together. I finished riding a wave close to shore and was pondering whether to duck under the final breaking section or just kick out when the wave decided for me: it threw me off the board, and the tail end of my heavy longboard wedged into my left ribs with my entire body weight hitting it — that took the air out of me and my ribs were so sore that I could not paddle on my chest. I’ve bruised or cracked ribs before. These injuries take multiple weeks to heal.
Honestly, this is a minor inconvenience that pales in comparison to the more serious health or other challenges we all face. But, I decided to use the experience as a real-time practice session with resilience. Am I responding positively or negatively? And what exactly is resilience?
According to a Mayo Clinic short article by mental health clinical staff on this subject, resilience is “… being able to adapt to life’s misfortunes and setbacks….” (Resilience: Build skills to ensure hardship, https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/resilience-training/in-depth/resilience/art-20046311). When we have resilience, we harness inner strength to rebound from a setback. When we lack resilience, we may adopt a victim mindset and engage in unhealthy coping mechanisms. Resilience does not mean ignoring our negative feelings — we acknowledge it hurts. But we intentionally keep going forward anyway.
The Mayo Clinic article provides tips to improve resilience:
- Get connected (healthy relationships for support, volunteering to give back).
- Make every day have meaning (we all need perceived purpose).
- Learn from the past (think about prior success stories of coping with adversity; consider journaling).
- Stay hopeful (we can’t change the past, but we can adapt now and into the future).
- Take care of yourself (do things you love that bring joy, including healthy movement and nutrition and maybe even yoga/meditation/spiritual or mental health practices).
- Take action (don’t deny or ignore the challenge; plan to move forward).
One more tip: get professional advice if needed — we know what it looks like when our clients delay needed legal advice. Avoid that mistake with health needs.
With my surfing accident, I want to blame myself, engage in a self-incriminating memory loop, and adopt a depressive outlook. None of that helps. I’m planning for what I can do as the injury heals: that helps. So does remembering how people with far worse conditions persist forward with grace and courage (and writing about it).
I can think of many stories of people coping with serious adversities. My cousin, Steve, was the state champion of heavyweight wrestling in high school many years ago in Minnesota, and he remained a big, strong, active outdoorsman in his middle age. Like my Uncle Bob, my dad’s younger brother, and Steve’s dad, Steve loves bow hunting. Several months ago, Steve was perched in a tree and bow hunting when the tree unexpectedly failed/fell. Steve fell to the ground from a height that would kill most people. Steve survived but with multiple serious injuries. Steve is resilient and strong, so for the last several months, he has endured multiple surgeries to reconfigure broken bones, skin lacerations requiring skin grafts, head trauma, and internal injuries. For the first time, he recently was able to walk with a cane — a huge personal positive milestone. Steve’s resilient and supportive wife keeps the family updated. Steve and his wife personify Mayo Clinic’s resilience recommendations: they stay connected to family/friends/support systems, find daily meaning in activities they enjoy together, and move forward with optimism. I am in awe of what Steve and his wife and family have endured.
Watch out for those setbacks, large and small, and remember Mayo Clinic’s tips and my cousin Steve: with help, we can walk forward and find resilience. Visit our SDCBA wellness site (https://www.sdcba.org/?pg=Wellness) for wellness committee education, support and resources.