By Tatiana Kline
As a Public Defender, I have become skilled at advocating on behalf of others. I take pride in my ability to fight for what is right and not back down until a just outcome is obtained for my clients. But when it comes to advocating for myself, that skill seems to vanish. I find myself unable to advocate in the same zealous manner when it comes to my needs.
I unfortunately learned the hard way that I had to get better at self-advocacy. In November of 2023, I had a hysterectomy because I had four large fibroids in my uterus. Getting to this point was close to a three-year journey of remaining silent when I should have been loud.
About three years ago, I started having symptoms related to the fibroids. I went to my female primary care physician with complaints multiple times. After each visit, a temporary solution was provided that was aimed at alleviating the symptoms, but not at addressing what was causing the symptoms.
After each appointment, I left feeling unseen and unheard. I knew something was wrong with my body. I knew the suggestions provided to “fix” the symptoms wouldn’t work. Yet I went along with the process. I tricked myself into believing if I listened to my doctor’s advice everything would get better. Unfortunately, things got much worse.
Finally, in April of 2022, the symptoms got in the way of my vacation in Spain. I was arranging my schedule around the symptoms, and I remember one day being in tears because I let it get that far. How was I allowing something I should have had control overtake control over me?
It was in this moment I knew I needed to speak up for myself. I had to put my fears aside. The fear of being told no, the fear of being viewed as a complainer, the fear of wondering whether my skin color impacted my pain being ignored, the fear of upsetting my doctor, the fear that the cause of the symptoms was something much worse….all the fears.
I eventually got the help I needed, but the process took way too long. Unfortunately, I know I am not alone in this. There are many people like me who can’t find the courage to advocate for themselves. Whether it’s their medical care, familial interactions, friendships, or workplace dynamics, some people make themselves small when they should be making themselves big.
I share my process in hopes to encourage you to speak up and stop making yourself small. Learn from my mistakes and advocate for yourself. No one knows your needs better than you.
Tatiana Kline is a training attorney for the Office of the State Public Defender in California. Prior to that role, she worked as a Deputy Public Defender in San Diego for 9.5 years. Tatiana graduated from the University of San Diego School of Law in 2013 and from the University of Michigan in 2009 with a B.A. in Psychology and a B.A. in English. She currently serves as a Director for the San Diego County Bar Association, where she is the co-chair on the Wellness and Anti-Racism subcommittees. Additionally, she is a member of the National Association for Public Defense’s Wellness Committee, the Early B. Gilliam Bar Association, the Criminal Defense Lawyers Club and is a certified instructor for the National Institute of Trial Advocacy. Tatiana finds joy in promoting the health and wellness of everyone she interacts with. After finding herself unhappy, depressed, and desperate for change, she started her own journey to find mental wellness, clarity and peace. Tatiana enjoys sharing her journey in hopes that others find comfort and solace in the practices that have tremendously changed her life.