By Julie Lopez
With remote working, the loss of our usual social supports, and the many political and social divides of 2020, many of us are feeling isolated in a whole new way. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline has seen as much as a 300% increase in calls since stay at home orders began. Stories of relationships strained by disagreements over mask wearing, civil rights, and politics abound. Loneliness and isolation are associated with a broad range of negative health outcomes, including feelings of helplessness and fear, substance abuse, suicidal ideation, sleep problems, and decline in physical health. Perhaps most challenging to escape, our “inner critic” is amplified the more time we spend isolated from others. With lawyers experiencing some of the highest incidences of burnout, mental health challenges, and suicides before the pandemic, how do we find resilience in this time of increased isolation?
- Be mindful. Stay connected to friends and family, but also take breaks from “the output of other minds”[1] to check in with how you feel. Do something (anything) without a TV, phone, or computer distracting you so that you can search for that shred of calm in yourself amidst all of the chaos. Connecting with your inner calm (albeit sometimes hard to find) strengthens resilience and confidence in your decision-making in a time rife with a constantly moving-target of decisions to make. A simple exercise to ground yourself in the present is the “5-4-3-2-1” exercise. Out loud, name five things you see, four things you hear, three things you smell, and two things you feel. Or try writing down five things you’re grateful for every day (or when you’re feeling lonely). The more you mindfully connect with yourself, the stronger your resilience and confidence will grow.
- Give grace. Assume the people in your life are doing the best they can with what they have at this moment. None of us can control whether our neighbors wear a mask or whether schools will reopen. If something really bothers you about a friend’s actions, have a real conversation about it (not over text), and try to understand others’ point of view — even if you don’t ultimately incorporate the same perspective for yourself. Recognize that we have all been in a state of fight-or-flight adrenaline overload for much longer than humans were made to endure, and our relationships are impacted by that constant stress. Giving others grace can have a profound effect on our own sense of peace, and can help us stay authentically connected with our support systems.
- Feel your feelings. We’re all experiencing a collective trauma, and every one of us has lost something in the pandemic — a family member or friend, a job, a social outlet, or just a sense of security and predictability. These losses come with big feelings. Avoiding those feelings can leave you more stressed and depressed. While it can be uncomfortable in the short term, feeling your feelings will leave you stronger and calmer in the long run.
- This is temporary. And when it’s over, you will look back on the experience and marvel at your strength in weathering circumstances that, six months ago, you’d never have predicted you’d be able to endure. And you will see a new resilience in yourself that you otherwise never would have learned was there.
Julie Lopez is a Partner at litigation firm Tatro & Lopez, and serves on SDCBA’s Wellness Committee. She also serves on the Board of Directors for Postpartum Support Int’l California, and organizes San Diego’s annual Climb Out of the Darkness event raising awareness about perinatal mental health.
[1] Referenced in the recent ABA publication “Mindfulness 101: The Paradox and Promise of Solitude at a Time of Social Distancing by Scott L. Rogers.