By Christine I.P. Schumacher
Many couples have postponed their weddings to a hopefully pandemic-free future, but how do you move forward with getting married now? Here are a few tips from personal experience.
Let go and adapt. Easier said than done, but you cannot remain attached to ideas of what is “supposed” to happen. The giant party, people flying in from across the globe, even walking down the aisle with your beloved family member or friend may not be possible. Some nonrefundable deposits may be lost.
Be flexible and stay within guidelines. We went from 120 guests (within the 200-person gathering limit at the time), to 40 guests (below the 50 people allowed next), to 10 people including the officiant. This is now called a “microwedding.” Aside from posing health risks, a wedding can be shut down by city officials for not complying with ordinances.
Get your marriage license ASAP. You need a license to marry from any county recorder/county clerk’s office in the state where you are getting married. It expires after 90 days, so you must get married in three months or get another one. As the state began to shut down, I kept checking the county recorder’s website for updates, made an appointment for the first available time slot, and hoped for the best. The license appointment is where you choose new middle and last married names (if any). San Diego’s office closed the day after we got our license, remained closed for some time, reopened as an outdoor marriage hut, then closed again. After the ceremony, we mailed the original license/certificate (now signed by the witnesses and officiant) to the recorder’s office to record our marriage as we could no longer drop it off in person.
Buy your official marriage certificate. You need the official marriage certificate with recording date and number from the county recorder to change your name. You also need that marriage certificate to cash any wedding gift checks made to Mr. and Mrs. X (rather than Mr. X and/or Ms. Y). A copy of the unrecorded license/certificate signed by your witnesses and officiant is not enough.
Trust putting your actual ID and original documents in the mail. Social Security offices are closed for in-person service, but still need to see your actual ID. This means mailing in your driver’s license or passport (not a copy), your marriage certificate (also not a copy), along with your application. To the Social Security office’s credit, they mailed back my original documents within the week, and I received my new Social Security card the following week. The new passport by mail will take much longer.
Be prepared to wait outside the DMV. To get a Real ID with a new name, you must go in person to the DMV. I brought the marriage certificate, Social Security card with new name, passport, lease agreement, and insurance policy that had both my mailing address and residential address (as they are not the same) and waited several hours standing in line outside. Note: Real ID is not required for flights until October 2021.
So how was it having a pandemic-era wedding? With Zoom technology, I had a larger bachelorette weekend than originally planned (including cousins from across the globe), a bridal shower, and a mini-reception. Our immediate families had multiple roles in the intimate ceremony, which was live-streamed to guests. Honestly, it was perfect.
Christine I.P. Schumacher (née Pangan), is a former editor of San Diego Lawyer magazine. She is a Lead Attorney at the Legal Aid Society of San Diego (Pro Bono Team) and can be reached at ChristineS@lassd.org.