Legal Life: In-Person Settlements: Lessons from a Bench Brown Bag

In-Person Settlements: Lessons from a Bench Brown Bag

During my first year practicing law, I attended a virtual Bench Brown Bag session hosted by the Los Angeles County Bar Association. The judge leading the session shared advice that has stuck with me ever since: When it comes to resolving disputes, nothing compares to meeting opposing counsel face-to-face. The judge even encouraged us to share a plate of fries and as you both reach for a salty stick, let your fingers touch. The message was clear: Real connection happens in person.

The Power of Personal Connection

That story resonated with me. In law, most of our communication happens through screens and emails. But as the judge pointed out, there’s a unique connection that forms when people meet face-to-face. You see their expressions, catch the nuances in their voice, and sometimes even share a laugh or two. Food, even something as simple as fries, becomes a bridge — breaking down barriers and reminding us that we’re not just attorneys, but people trying to find common ground. And let’s be honest, when you’re sharing a public space, it’s much harder to be a jerk. 

The Reality in Court

A few days ago, while on a legal field trip with my summer intern to observe various courtrooms, I was reminded just how routine these settlement discussions are. Every judge, without fail, asks, “Have you two tried to settle this?” More often than not, the judge encourages the parties to step outside and see if they can work things out. One trial threw a bit of a wrench in the normal settlement routine: At the judge’s suggestion, the attorneys tried to settle but couldn’t help their clients reach an agreement. Then, in an out-of-the-box move, one party asked to speak directly with the other — without their lawyers present — to see if they could resolve it themselves. It didn’t work for these two, but I admired the attempt. Those parties weren’t family or friends, didn’t even do business with each other. But that kind of creative, direct engagement rarely happens unless everyone is physically present.

A Call for More Face Time

So, here’s my challenge: Let’s make the effort to meet in person when it matters most. Next time you’re facing a tough settlement, consider stepping away from your desk, inviting opposing counsel out, and sharing a plate of fries. Who knows? As you both reach for that last salty fry and your fingers brush, you might find it’s easier to reach a resolution.

In a profession that is inherently adversarial, a simple gesture — like sharing fries — reminds us that every case is ultimately about real people, with real concerns, seeking real solutions.