By Phillip Stephan
Pause. As attorneys, we are inherently attuned to the power of words. We seek to use them to persuade, to disarm, to indicate, and for other functions related to our practices. More than a few practitioners in our legal community have a way with words. The main goal of the words in this article is to persuade you to embrace the absence of words: not silence, but rather active listening, sincere consideration, and creating the space for dialogue by ensuring your partner in conversation has finished their thoughts and felt heard.
I find that I struggle to be present, especially in silence. Silence can be, for lack of a better term, awkward. Many of us think silence represents a breakdown in a social relationship, confusing the absence of witty Aaron Sorkin-approved dialogue with a failure to communicate. However, the notion of remembering to pause turns silence into an opportunity, when you can appreciate the other person you are conversing with and not force what is supposed to be a give-and-take exchange down a certain road on a certain schedule. Embracing silence will allow you to avoid trying to “fix” a situation that cannot be fixed by you forcing a conversation onto your terms, especially interrupting – a cardinal sin in civil negotiating, and an absolute taboo in oral argument.
The goal is developing your active listening skills to the point where the presumption is that you were listening, and to bolster that skill through mindful listening. Think about the last few conversations you have had, and whether you are communicating on autopilot or actually having a conversation. The benefits of mindful communication will not only assist you in fostering engagement and collaboration, but also in resolving conflicts as more thought can lead to better information gathering and less impulsivity.